Just So You Know
by xsoulryder
Summary: He just couldn't stop thinking about her. Now Bookman knows and he's gotta leave everything behind. Chp 3 is up! Lavi's back at the order and he finally gets to see his dream girl again, but is everything as it seems? LaviLena
1. Just So You Know

**ExorcistAllen**: Well, another new LaviLena FF for you! I intend to make this a series of inter-connected SongFics.  
Song: Just so you know by Jesse McCartney. Lyrics are mainly _italic_. From Lavi's POV. enjoy! please read and review. :D

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**Just So You Know**

_Lavi POV_

I tried to stop thinking about her… but I can't.

Even though I knew it was all just an impossible dream, I wanted to believe in it and make it true, holding on to this little hope.

_I shouldn't love you but I want to  
I just can't turn away  
_

I force myself to concentrate on my history books, but I just couldn't do it. I just had to see her; just a glimpse would do… before I could be at ease.

_I shouldn't see you but I can't move  
I can't look away_

Bookman keeps reminding me of my purpose.  
I tell him that I know and to stop nagging at me.  
I hated it.

I try to act my cool and be my callous self.  
I couldn't help it, all these new feelings that I didn't have before.

_And I don't know how to be fine when I'm not  
'Cause I don't know how to make a feeling stop_

I wanted to tell her everything.

_Just so you know  
This feeling's taking control of me  
__And I can't help it_

I tell myself to let her go. Stop all these useless emotions. It wouldn't benefit my purpose. I was going to become a Bookman. I asked myself, wasn't this my very first goal in the beginning? What has had become of me? Didn't I use to hate humans before?

I see you with him. Everywhere you go, he follows you. I can only look at you from a corner in jealousy and pain. The two of you look so happy together, always talking and laughing with each other. The perfect couple, they say, Allen Walker and Lenalee Lee. It seemed like Komui didn't even mind having Allen near his precious sister at all.

Even though I pretend that there's nothing wrong, it's hurting me inside.

_I won't sit around, I can't let him win now  
Thought you should know  
I've tried my best to let go of you  
But I don't want to_

"It's time, Lavi. Change your name, your 50th alias."

Bookman knew it all along. He had warned me before several times… even before I became 'me'. That was why he had required me to change my name so many times. Should I be known as 'Dick', 'Lavi' or my other 47 aliases, I wasn't allowed to have a heart. "A bookman has no heart." He had solemnly warned.

Now he was sending me on a mission to a country far away, far away from 'home', away from her. Leave all your feelings as 'Lavi' behind and come back as a new you.

_I just gotta say it all  
Before I go  
Just so you know_

I see her walking down the corridor, she smiles at me. Her gentle yet captivating smile, it captures my heart. When she calls my name, I can't breath. She looks so beautiful, her long, silky hair flowing in the wind. I just couldn't look away.

_It's getting hard to be around you  
There's so much I can't say  
Do you want me to hide the feelings  
And look the other way_

_And I don't know how to be fine when I'm not  
'Cause I don't know how to make a feeling stop  
_

"Le…Lenalee!" I managed to call out.

She spins around and looks at me questioningly. "Yes Lavi? Is anything the matter?"

"I…I just wanted to tell you that I…" he stuttered out. '_I just wanted to tell you that I love you, Lenalee.' _He wanted to say. Say it. Goddamn it. Just say it! It's now or never.

"I just wanted to tell you that… I'm going on a mission tomorrow." He looked down. He couldn't do it. He didn't have the courage to tell her. Why should he even bother? She liked Allen, and everybody knew that. How would she react to his sudden confession? Maybe she would be so shocked and wouldn't want to be his friend anymore.

"Tomorrow? So soon? Where are you heading? For how long?" she asked.

I smiled weakly. "I'll be going to Egypt, for about two years." At least she was concerned.

"Two years?! Why didn't you tell me earlier?" she said wide-eyed. "And Egypt is so far away!"

That was precisely why Bookman had assigned me to go there, far away from my emotions. I would come back anew, my memories refreshed. I wouldn't be 'Lavi' they knew anymore.

"Yea. Bookman asked me to study the pyramids there, lots of history in those stinky tombs."

"But… you'll be gone for so long. We'll miss you, Lavi, especially me."

My heart skipped a beat when I heard her say that. _Especially me_…  
I gave her one of my rare flirty grins. For that, I received her 'Loving Iron Fist'. It hurt like hell but it was worth it. She looked so damn cute when she blushed.

I headed back to my room to pack for the trip. I guess I would never be able to pluck up the courage to express my feelings…

The next morning, I slung my rucksack full of books and my writing materials over my shoulder. I sighed. This was it.  
Allen, Lenalee and surprisingly, Kanda were waiting to send me off.

"Lavi, we'll definitely miss you a lot. Remember to write back okay?" Allen said. "Che. Oi Usagi. Take care." Kanda grumbled and strode off. "Ah! Who knew that Yuu had a caring inner being?" I teased. But instead of slicing me with his Mugen, Kanda turned around and gave me his death glare before continuing back to his room.

I guess he knew that this was the last time I would be teasing him. After all, he was the only one that knew me since young and what my each long journey meant.

Lenalee approached me. "Lavi, take care okay? Here, this is for you." She said, handing me a colourfully decorated box.

"What is it?" I asked curiously, shaking the parcel slightly.

"A present. Open it."

I tore away the wrapping and opened the box. It was a beautiful green bandana with my name 'Lavi' stitched on it at the corner. I took off my old one and put it on. It fit perfectly.

"I made it myself. Hope you like it."

"Wow. Thank you, Lenalee. I love it." I said cheerfully.

"Hey Lavi, you better treasure it. Lenalee stayed up late last night just to make it." Allen said.

I was ecstatic. Lenalee had personally made something just for me! And what's more, she had stayed up late just to make it. But I knew that this happiness was short lived.

"Alright, we better get going." Bookman called from afar and headed out first.

"In a minute." I replied.

"Well, time to say goodbye guys."

"Bye Lavi, I guess I better get going too, Komui wanted to see me about something." Allen said and rushed off, waving his hands.

I turned and headed for the gate.

"Wait! Lavi!" the sweet voice called after me. I spun around and looked at her running towards me.

"Lavi… I erm… do you have anything to say to me before you leave?" she asked. She sounded somewhat hopeful, but I didn't know what she wanted to hear.

"Er… actually… nothing." I shrugged. It hurt so much to say goodbye. I just wanted to leave as soon as possible.

"Nothing at all? you know… any feelings… at least a proper goodbye." Lenalee said, avoiding my gaze. I gathered my courage, this was my last chance. I looked around. Good. No sign of Bookman, Allen and thankfully, Komui.

"Lenalee… actually I've always wanted to tell you this from the start. But I just couldn't gather the courage to tell you this…" I said, bending down to her level. "Just so you know, Lenalee, I'll always be here for you, no matter how far I am." I hugged her tightly in my arms, fearing to let go. "I love you, Lenalee…"

"Baka. That's what I've been waiting to hear…" she whispered in my ears, her breath tickling my skin. My heart jumped for joy. "You should have just told me right from the start…" she buried her face into my neck, sobbing.

I wiped away her tears and gave her a gentle smile.

Cupping her face in my hands, I kissed her gently, yet full of passion and love that I had for her. It felt so much like saying goodbye…

For once in my life, I felt that I had a true heart. Just for that short moment… but then it was gone again. Empty once more…

_This emptiness is killing me  
And I'm wondering why I've waited so long  
Looking back I realize  
It was always there just never spoken  
I'm waiting here...been waiting here  
_

"Wait for me, Lenalee." I said and passed her my old bandana. "Remember me… the real me deep inside." And with that, I turned around and stepped out of the gate and caught up with Bookman…

_Remember me, Lenalee…_


	2. Missin' U

**ExorcistAllen**: Hey, here's chapter2, sequel to Just So You Know. Song is used is **Missin' U** by **Super Junior**. Original lyrics are in korean, **_italic/bold_**. Translated lyrics are in english, _italic_, just below the korean lyrics.  
brief summary: Lavi is returning to HQ the next day. He reflects on his thoughts blah blah... sorry that sucked..

please read and review!!

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Missin' U

_Lavi POV_

"… It is said that the tomb is cursed, but research shows that it only due to the growth of microorganisms which lead to deadly viruses in the air…" I jotted down on my history records book.

We were finally on our way back to the Black Order HQ.  
It had been two years since I left the order for my research trip to Egypt. But I knew that there were other reasons behind this sudden decision.

I sighed and subconsciously said aloud, "Wonder what the guys at the Order are up to…"  
Unfortunately for me, Bookman overheard me and instantly, a book flew straight into my face.

"Itai…" I said, rubbing my head.

"I told you to just concentrate on your work…"  
"And don't get too attached to the Order." I cut in. "Hai… you told me that many times already, ji ji…" I said, waving my hand at him as if trying to push his words away.

"I'm going for a walk." I said, excusing myself from conversation that would eventually lead to matters of being a Bookman. I really didn't need that right now.

"Ok… and remember to tell me your new name when you get back."

"K." I answered casually, not bothering to look back at him.

I stepped out onto the field, shivering slightly as the cold breeze caressed my face. The slightly damp grass seemed to dissolve under my boots, making no sound at all.

_**Jeo hayahdamothae shirin saebyeokhaneul sokeul**__  
Inside that cold crisp night_

I sighed again. Tch… I figured that I have been sighing a lot lately… maybe to a point that I was almost as anti-social as Yuu. I laughed at that thought for a mere second before my face turned into a frown again. I couldn't stand the fact that I was to go back to the Order as a different person. A _totally _new persona, with new memories, and who knows what else I might become?

"Damn it!" I yelled.  
I turned around abruptly and started to run. I closed my eyes and just kept running, letting the wind rush past me… "Let everything just rush past… and leave me behind…"

_**Soomi tokggaji kabbeuke dalriko dalryeodo**__  
So I run and run, with my breath all the way up to my chin_

I slowly came to a stop and collapsed on the ground, trying to catch my breath. I felt the soft-wet grass under my head. It felt nice, and reminded me of the field just outside the Order by the small stream, where I would hangout sometimes.

Immediately, my thoughts lead me to Lenalee Lee… the times when we used to lie on the field together and watch as the clouds slowly float by, time seemed to have slowed down, lagging us into the past, away from the present.

"Shucks… here I go again." I muttered under my breath.

_**  
Hayangke itkoshipeun keunyeoye kieok**__  
I want to completely forget everything about her_

Bookman told me to forget about her… Well, hey, I tried. But it always ended up the other way round and I'll miss her even more. Oh, spare me the irony. I guess I'm back to square one again.

I close my eyes and chanted in my head, "Forget… forget…"

_**  
Yeojeonhi meorisokeul hayahke deopeo**__  
I make my mind blank as usual  
__  
__**I am missing you  
**_

I rest my head on my arm and look up into the dark, clear sky – stars, a tiny bright light in the vast sky, bursting through the darkness. I heard that everyone had a star that belonged to him or herself, some sort of a guardian angel in the skies,  
always watching over you… "Nah... that's just crap for little kids." I told myself.

_**  
Nalkkarooon byeolggeuti nal halkkwieodo**__  
Even if the sharp stars scratch me_

_**Dalbiche bichin neon nae sangcheoreul jiooji**__  
The moonlight's shinning down, you erase my scars  
_

It was a full moon, gleaming in its glory, overpowering the little ones. I always stay up without sleeping, and think to myself… Where do I belong forever? In who's arms, the time and place… You were always there for me… and reminded me who I was.

_**  
Nae kaseum kipeunkoke soomeun hayan saeneun**__  
The white bird deep inside me_

_**Keurioome jichyeo pooreun ooreumeul tohaenaedo**__  
I'm tired from the sorrowness, I cry out a blue cry_

But now you're gone… so far away. I can't feel anything anymore…  
I cry out. I'm tired of all this…

_**  
Adeukhi meon haneure jeo hayandareul**__  
That white moon way up in the sky_

I reach out my hand towards the moon… feeling its glow upon my palms…

_**  
Jabeulsooka eobseo baraman bol bboon**__  
I can't grab, oh I just watch the wind blow  
_

_**I am missing you**_

_**  
Nalkkarooon byeolggeuti nal halkwieodo**__  
Even if the sharp stars scratch me_

_**Dalbiche bichin neon nae sangcheoreul jiooji**__  
The moonlight's shinning down, you erase my scars_

_**I am missing you**__  
_

If only I could go to the moon… so peaceful… so carefree, looking out over the world. Stop all these useless battles. Oh, the stupidity of humanity. Let the world be at peace again.

_**  
Adeukhan jeo dalbicheun nal yoohokhako**__  
Even though the moonlight is seducing me_

_**Dalggeute daheul soo eobseo barabol bboon**__  
There's nothing at the end of the moon except to just long for something  
_

What was this feeling I felt before, that I just couldn't stop and wallowed myself in it? A feeling… were Bookmen supposed to feel?

I'll erase it out. This was not what I was meant for. I was here as a Bookman not to become an exorcist.

_**  
Jiwobeorikesseo neol**__  
I'm going to erase you_

_**Sokeuro myeotbeoneul dajiko dajiko**__  
I told myself many many times,_

_**Meoritsokeul biwosseo**__  
I tried to empty out my mind,_

_**But, kaseumsoken keudaeye chooeoki bakhyeosseo**__  
But, the memories of you are embedded inside my heart_

I just can't seem to erase you. It hurt… hurt too much.

_**  
Michyeobeorikesseo ijen eoddeokhae…**__  
I'm going crazy, I don't know what to do__**Naesoonjeongeul dabachyeoseo saranghaesseosseo neol**__  
I love you with all my heart_

I laugh at myself. Why in the first place had he told her to remember him when he knew that this would happen in the end?

"Ha… Haha… I'm such a sick bastard…" I would only hurt her this way.

_**  
Sangcheoka amooljikaanhneunkeol**__  
This scar isn't healing_

In my dreams… I see you.

_**  
Wechyeobwado doraoji anhneun neo**__  
I call out for you but you're not coming back_

You're going away… with Allen Walker… why him?

_**  
Babokati ajikdo neol**__**kidaryeo**__  
Like a fool, I'm here still waiting for you  
_

I'm watching from the corner of the room… "I'll follow to record what happens…" My responsibility as Bookman was just an  
excuse to be there. I just wanted to be around to protect you. That's all.

_**  
Areumdaoon keunyeo nal hwijeotjiman**__  
That beautiful girl stirred me up_

_**Meomchoolsooka eobseo keureolsooka eobseo**__  
I can't stop, that just can't be_

I'm drifting further and further away, going in the wrong direction. "Stop!" I cry out… I reach out to grab something, anything… My grip slipped. I'm falling. "Take me back!" I scream.

_**  
Haying hansom soke damkin neoreul baetko ddo baeteodo…**__  
Even though I cry to spit you out with a heavy sigh…  
__  
__**I am missing you  
**_

And I'll promise that I will be there to protect you no matter what…

_**  
Nalkkarooon byeolggeuti nal halkwieodo**__  
Even if the sharp stars scratch me_

_**Dalbiche bichin neon nae sangcheoreul jiooji**__  
The moonlight's shinning down, you erase my scars  
_

I push myself up and dusted my jeans. "Tomorrow…" I thought. "Tomorrow I will see you again. And this time, I won't let go." I said, clutching my special headband that was given to me two years ago… I'm surprised that I still have it.

_  
__**I am missing you**__  
_

_**Adeulhan keo dalbicheun nal yoohokhako**__  
Even though the moonlight is seducing me_

_**Dalggeute daheul soo eobseo barabol bboon**__  
There's nothing at the end of the moon except to just long for something_

Taking one last glance at the moon, I turned and headed back to the small little hut. "What name should I give myself this time?" I wondered. Let's just stick with 'Lavi' for now… I'll have quite some explaining to do afterwards…

_**  
I am missing you**_


	3. Little Too Not Over You

A/N: Yes, I'm alive! And back with the longest chapter (: It's been... 2 years? I had to read the old chapters again and gosh, it made me realise how horrid my writing skills were back then. No song lyrics in this one, I had a review saying I should do without it. (I do listen!) But I already had a song in mind writing this and that's 'A Little Too Not Over You' by David Archuleta. Nice song, listen to it while reading.

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The old speakers of the London subway station crackled to life. The words were barely audible over the loud buzzing noise the speakers made as it strained to project the announcement at top volume.

"The train heading to London Square is departing in five minutes, all passengers please head to the boarding platform. The train heading to…"

"Oi, gramps, the train's departing soon, let's go." I motioned to Bookman and quickly drained the rest of my coffee. The lukewarm liquid did little to soothe my parched throat, but it gave me my much need caffeine. Leaving some change on the table for the bill, we left the stale-aired café to catch our train.

We sat at an empty cabin at the back of the train, where all was quiet, except for the train rumbling in the background. Not many passengers ventured out back, so we were ensured of our privacy and safe from curious stares.

The tiny caffeine boost wasn't as helpful as I had hoped. For many nights now I've been unable to get a decent rest. My thoughts constantly drift to a certain green haired girl, one that I'd vowed to forget on occasions more than one but find myself inevitably coming back to her. This unfathomable case of insomnia was taking its toll on me, often causing me to lose concentration when writing reports or zoning out during Bookman's daily lectures.

I shake my head to dispel another wave of drowsiness.

The sleepless nights has affected me in more ways than one. I have an awful habit of talking in my sleep and normally I wouldn't have given a damn if it wasn't for the fact that I'd starting sprouting inappropriate things, things about the girl that's been constantly plaguing my mind.

Lenalee Lee.

The thought of the girl sent a shiver down my spine and a nervous flutter in my belly. I was going to see her again, in person, no longer just the hallucinations from my memories or from fantasies at night.

"Lavi!" Bookman called sternly, reaching over to bump me squarely on the head.

"Ouch, what the hell?" I whined, rubbing at the sore bump on my head. Man, that old man was too strong for his age. Noticing Bookman's death glare, I realized I'd been on another trip to fantasy land again, completely missing out on what gramps just said. _Whoops_.

I gave Bookman a sheepish smile as he sighed and shook his head disapprovingly.

"Lavi, I've reminded you more than once." Gramps said. The seriousness in his voice made me look up, where gray eyes met emerald ones in a piercing glare. The old man's eyes swirled like luminous clouds, hinting at years of wisdom hidden beneath those misty orbs.

"Your duty as a bookman should always come first. The recording of the battle between the exorcists and Noah is of great importance; an event that would mark history for centuries to come.

We've come too far for you to fail me now, my apprentice. Not for your growing compassion towards the humans… and _especially not for a girl_."

My eyes widened in shock. This was the first time Bookman was addressing my feelings for Lenalee directly. Sure, he'd hinted me to not get too emotionally attached to the Order on numerous occasions, but never like this.

"What, did you think I was blind?" Bookman continued, "Your infatuation for the girl is blatant, and painfully so."

I winced. Was it really _that_ obvious?

"Yes, it is." Gramps replied, reading my mind. "This will be my last warning to you my apprentice. You have learnt well under my tutelage and although I disapprove of your frivolous behavior and reckless stupidity," Bookman paused, giving me another disapproving shake of his head. "I have taught you all I can and soon, it'll be time for you to take the reins."

"But gramps, I… I'm not ready! There are still a lot of things for me to learn!" I answered frantically. The thought of having to take on the full responsibility of being a Bookman scared me. It wasn't supposed to happen like this, this was happening too fast! "I'm not good enough gramps… _not yet_." I said, finishing the last part with my voice barely a whisper.

Bookman knew I was just stalling for time. A few years were all I was asking for – to be with her. Even if it was for a short period of time, I wanted to give her my all. And I would, until it was time to turn the pages, a new page of history to be written. Till then, he'd offer up what he could. After all, she'd already captured his heart.

The rest of the train ride was silent as the apprentice mulled over his master's words.

The giant black double doors of the Order loomed over the Bookman apprentice. It's been two years since he'd last been here. _Where was here exactly?_ Lavi wondered. Was this a place he could call home? He wasn't sure. He'd never stayed in one place long enough to find out the finding of the word. Bookmen were constantly on the move, going wherever history demanded to be recorded. Lavi didn't understand how a mere choice of location could bring a person comfort and a sense of security. The infrastructure itself provided little protection – consisting of four walls and a few choice selections of furniture dotting the area, the typical abode felt more like a cage to him; keeping people in, rather than to keep the bad people out.

Reaching closer to the entrance now, Lavi's stomach did another flip-flop at the thought of being able to see his dream girl again.

_She's just behind those doors_.

He was excited and apprehensive at the same time. How would Lenalee welcome his return? Would she throw her arms around him and kiss him with those lips he'd dreamt of every night? Or would she have forgotten him… and moved on? His heart dropped at the thought and he chastised himself for being so pessimistic. There was only one way to find out. Lavi took a nervous step towards the huge doors and punched in the button to the golem intercom. "Hey guys, guess who's' back?"

Lavi walked down the familiar hallways of the Order, boots clicking rhythmically against the tiles. His heart sped up as each step he took brought him closer to her. And then he saw her.

Lenalee Lee rounded the corner of the corridor, Allen stumbling clumsily behind her as she raced down the halls. She had been helping her brother with the paperwork when the intercom intermission came in. Hearing the smooth nonchalant voice flow through the boxed device on the wall, she'd immediately known it was him. Lenalee didn't bother to hit the answer button and bolted towards the entrance of the Order. _Lavi was back! _

"Hi Lenalee, where're you running off t– whoa!" she grabbed Allen's wrist as she passed by him, excited to be seeing the red-head again.

He'd almost forgotten to breathe as he took in the sight of his dream girl sprinting down the hallway towards him. Even from a distance away, Lavi could make out the graceful features of the girl. Lenalee's crystal amethysts were shinning with vibrant joy and she had that bright smile he loved so much gracing her lips. Her long green hair was tied up in their usual ponytails and cascaded behind her like a shimmering river.

"Lavi!" Lenalee called out, waving to the boy from afar.

It was at that moment the young bookman apprentice decided that wherever she was, was the place he could call home.

As Lenalee drew closer, Lavi realized she wasn't alone. Behind her, Lenalee was pulling along a very confused Allen. In his moment of tunnel vision, he hadn't noticed the white haired boy.

"Lavi!" Lenalee exclaimed, throwing her arms around the red-head boy in a tight embrace. Lavi's eyes widened in shock as he felt Lenalee's slim arms wrap around his waist. The sudden weight of the girl against his chest knocked the breath out of him and he left out a soft 'oomph'.

"Welcome home, Lavi."

And for the first time in two years, Lavi felt a genuine smile tug on his lips. "I'm home." Lavi whispered into Lenalee's soft tresses as he pulled the girl close to him. He buried his face into her hair, breathing deeply to take in her lavender scent. All too soon the moment was over and Lavi felt Lenalee pulling away. Reluctantly, he released her, already missing her warmth.

I turned to Allen, slinging my arm over the boy's shoulders. "Hey Allen, since when did we have such hot chicks in the Order?" I mused aloud while putting on a show of looking Lenalee up and down.

"W-Wah?" Lenalee flushed a slight pink under my scrutiny but recovered quickly, "Were you checking me out Lavi?" I gave her a devious grin, amused at her reaction. Seeing the mischief twinkling in my eyes, Lenalee realised i was teasing her and narrowed her eyes at me. "Haha, not funny." She deadpanned.

Allen laughed heartily, "Hahaha, it's great to have you back Lavi." I returned his smile as we both laughed at Lenalee's unamused pout.

Lenalee gave a gentle laugh, smiling at the boy's antics. "We missed you Lavi."

Lavi's smile faltered, remembering those familiar words in a not too different situation. She said 'we', not 'I', he realised.

Allen nodded in agreement. "Yeah, felt different without you around."

Lenalee walked over and took Allen's hand in her own. "You only say that cause there wasn't anyone left for Kanda to kill except for you." Allen paled as he remembered taking the brunt of Kanda's anger in an accident between a hungry Timcampy and the boy's soba. Lenalee giggled at the horrified look on Allen's face. "And i had to come to your rescue."

Lavi let his arm drop off Allen's shoulders to hang awkwardly by his side. He watched the pair interact, with a sinking feeling growing in his belly. The two of them laughed happily as Lenalee continued to poke fun at Allen. The boy in turn joked about Lenalee's own mishaps.

They looked... really... _happy_.

Reality came crashing down.

Lenalee and... Allen. His eyes drifted back to their joined hands. She was with Allen now.

Lavi fought back a bitter laugh, forcing a smile to hide his inner turmoil as he continued to observe the two.

She was never mine to begin with.

Lenalee couldn't figure out the complexity that was Lavi. The red-head was always pulling then pushing; hot then cold. One minute he was flirtatious and teasing, and in the next, acting callous and aloof. The Lavi standing before her now was the latter, looking down at her with a bored gaze. The devious sparkling in his eyes from before was now gone, hidden behind a façade of stoicism and a sense of duty to his lineage of Bookmen. His frequent change in personality was downright confusing and annoying the hell out of her. Lenalee huffed indignantly and looked away, crossing her arms over her chest. She was just being concerned and here he was being a jerk about it.

She'd noticed Lavi's uncharacteristic silence but in return, she got brushed off rather rudely.

"Save it for someone else."

"Hmp, if I remembered correctly, _someone_ was singing a completely different tune few years back."

Lavi's heart clenched painfully at her words. They brought back unwanted memories of their first meeting. He supposed it was what people called 'love at first sight', albeit their situation was not romantic in the least. Seeing her kneeling upon the cold floor, crying and broken, mourning for the deaths of comrades in a recent battle, he'd wanted to rush over and protect this girl he didn't even know. He'd wanted to bring her close, to guard her frail heart and never let her shed another tear.

Although he longed to go with his heart – to go with her, things were different now. Seeing Lenalee and Allen together had reminded him of his duty. It had been a painful, but much needed slap to the face – a wake-up call, breaking him out if his reverie and childish infatuation. What a fool he'd been, selfish and naive, thinking that she would welcome him with loving arms. It had been wishful thinking on his part. He'd been gone for two years. There had been no communication, no guarantees; only empty promises and broken memories. Of course she'd moved on, Lavi thought bitterly.

It had been a moment of impulse and nothing more.

His voice was sharp and cold when he replied, not letting up a hint on the torrent of emotions he was feeling.

"Then you remembered wrong."

Lenalee turned to give a retort but was rendered speechless when she saw the boy's eyes. The usually warm liquid emeralds were icy depths, fixated upon hers in a steely gaze. She didn't stop him when he turned to leave, her mind still reeling at what she'd just witnessed to speak. Never had she seen the bookman apprentice regard anyone with such coldness, his eyes hard and so… void of emotion.

Something was amiss with Lavi. The boy looked the same from two years before – same flaming wild spikes, that familiar eye patch over the right eye, tattered orange scarf that followed him everywhere and his signature headband – a gift from her.

He was the same and yet had a foreign feel to him, like she didn't know him at all. This Lavi was different, and it scared her.

Lavi clenched his fists by his side and steeled his resolve to turn away. _Walk away from her and never turn back._ He forced his feet into motion. His movements were stiff and calculated as he stalked down the hallways.

By the time Lenalee had recovered, he had disappeared round the corner. He let out a sigh, his voice barely a whisper. "I missed you too." _Only you._

It was then that Lenalee realized… when he left her two years ago, he'd also left his heart behind.

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